Sherlock.
Series three.
Episode one.
We’re there. We’re doing this.
I… thought I would need more of a break, honestly? I was really
not looking forward to doing this review after finishing the last one. But somehow,
just two weeks later, I am picking up my pen.
Metaphorically speaking. Actually, I am repeatedly dropping
my fingers onto a collection of plastic buttons and making little lights on my laptop
screen change colour.
But you know what I mean.
Anyway, this episode begins with what may be the shortest “previously
on” segment ever. Incidentally, this was the first episode of Sherlock that I actually
watched as it was being aired for the first time. I can still remember that
excitement, quickly turning to….
Well, you’ll see.
But yes, “previously on Sherlock…” we cut to Sherlock’s
tombstone, play the sound of John screaming “Sherlock” over the top of it.
Then we go straight into one of the “theories”. Insert
version 2.1 of the rooftop scene from last episode. Moriarty falls over, Sherlock gasps, John checks
his phone, he chats to Sherlock…
Meanwhile, Moriarty’s body is dragged away. It’s magically
transformed into a Sherlock clone, Sherlock jumps, but is saved by a bungee
cord just as John is knocked over, he crashes through the window into Molly’s
lab. He kisses her (obviously), then walks off.
Meanwhile, the Moriarty/Sherlock body is being positioned
for John to find, but…
Oh look, it’s Derren Brown.
I actually didn’t recognise him as Derren Brown the first
time I saw this. I was too busy being confused, because from the moment that
Moriarty’s body began to be turned into Sherlock’s, I knew that this didn’t
fit. Didn’t make any sense.
That being said, I love that Derren Brown actually said “yes”
to this cameo.
So John goes and inspects Moriarty’s Sherlock-ified corpse,
while Sherlock walks off through the hospital….
And the pretence drops. The great reveal, the first twist of
this episode. This isn’t what actually happened, it’s just Anderson telling
Lestrade his theory.
Lestrade tells Anderson to let it go. He tells Anderson that
this is just an expression of his guilt. Anderson and Donovan convinced
Lestrade that Sherlock was guilty, so not Anderson is trying to find a way to
believe that Sherlock survived.
It’s actually kind of sweet, and I do think that it fits in
quite nicely with what we’ve seen of Anderson so far, and what the consequences
of his decisions might be.
Only thing is, it’s kind of… cheapened by the fact that we
all know that Sherlock did survive.
Anyway, the reason that Lestrade and Anderson are together
is that the truth is being revealed to the world. I mean, the truth about Richard
Brook. The truth that Moriarty was the bad guy all along, Sherlock an innocent
victim.
The truth that, somehow, it took two years for the police to
unravel. Apparently.
I mean, I think I discussed how ridiculous that whole thing
was last episode, I won’t go into it again.
Or at least, I will try really, really hard not to go into
it again.
Anyway, Sherlock is vindicated.
So, anyway, after that intro… let me tell you why I already
felt slightly disappointed at this point on my first watch-through.
Going into this episode, I had one big question. It’s the
one I mentioned last review. Why did Sherlock tell John that he had been lying
to him? Why did Sherlock try to convince John that Richard Brook had been his
own creation? How would they explain Sherlock not contacting John for two years
after his death?
And yes, I wanted to know the mechanics of how Sherlock did
it, exactly. How he fell off a roof and landed. But at the same time… it was
kind of obvious. Basically everyone online had figured out that there had to be
some kind of net or cushion on the ground. There was no rope, there was no
other way to survive that fall. Some talked about replaced paving slabs… you
know. General idea was that Sherlock survived by landing on a big soft thing instead
of a big hard thing. No massive mystery there, honestly.
The motivations were much more interesting to me, and at
this point in the episode it already seemed that the show was shying away from
discussing those. Already it had started talking only about the mechanics of
everything. And already, a theme that runs through this episode had emerged.
The theme of laughing at fan theories.
So yes, I was already starting to feel that this wasn’t
quite going the right way.
Anyway, the story continues. John is visiting Sherlock’s
grave again, but this time… he is not alone. He is with a mysterious woman, who’s
face we don’t get to see yet. It’s a touching moment…
And then the camera spins in a dizzying, uncomfortable way,
and suddenly we’re in a dark forest, and someone is running through the trees.
They’re being pursued by people on the ground, and by a helicopter in the sky.
Dogs bark, guns fire… and the figure is surrounded. He collapses to his knees.
We cut to that man being tortured, presumably shortly
afterwards. He’s tied up, he’s being beaten, he’s undergoing sleep deprivation.
And then the prisoner starts to deduce things about his
captors. Well, one of his captors. The second stays in the corner of the room,
in the dark. The prisoner tells his torturer that his wife is having an affair,
and if he goes now he might catch her in the act.
And… the torturer just… heads off. No questions. Just goes.
I mean… he believed that pretty quickly, didn’t he? But
anyway, it’s convenient, because it allows the second captor to step forwards.
And… guess what? It’s Mycroft! He tells Sherlock that the “holiday”
is over, there’s a terrorist ring in London. Sherlock, the prisoner, smiles,
and, um…
Somehow they two of them get past the guard on the door,
break out of the facility they’re in, and get onto a plane back to London…
Which would probably be quite interesting to see. But… nope.
Cut to title sequence.
Well… that was unsatisfying. Also, did Mycroft really just sit
there while his brother was being beaten with a metal pipe, deprived of sleep
and otherwise generally mistreated? Because that’s… I mean, I know they
apparently have this terrible relationship, and Sherlock would rather die than
go to him for help, but this is next level, surely???
Anyway, post-title sequence, John is riding the tube.
Clearly no foreshadowing going on here.
And then we cut to Mycroft in his office, flicking through
papers… and back to John on the tube… we get some extra shots of tube trains
going through tunnels, past platforms…
Yep. Definitely nothing related to tube trains coming up in
this episode.
Then John walks along the street, and some kids walk past
crying “penny for the guy?”
As it happens, I have lived in the UK all my life, and never
actually seen a couple of 10-ish year old kids running around London streets
pushing a Guy and asking strangers for money.
So it comes off as slightly unusual that something like this
would be included.
Again, definitely not setting up something that might happen
later.
Right, so the place that John is heading to is 221b Baker
street. Which he hasn’t been to for ages, but still has a key for. As soon as
he enters the hall, he starts to have memories of being with Sherlock there. Mrs
Hudson spots him, and wordlessly invites him into the kitchen.
Then…. Cut. To Mycroft and Sherlock having a chat while
Sherlock is shaved. Apparently, Sherlock has been dismantling Moriarty’s secret
network. Somehow, it continued after his death for two years, but now it is thoroughly
dismantled.
That’s what he was doing in Serbia, by the way. Dismantling
the last piece, by allowing himself to be taken prisoner and tortured.
His time there was cut short by Mycroft, but apparently he’s
achieved… whatever it was he was achieving by doing that before Mycroft showed
up.
Something that I love about this scene is that Sherlock is
being shaved with a straight razer while the conversation goes on. Mycroft
comments “Well, you’re safe now” while a stranger holds a blade to Sherlock’s
neck.
I really like this. Or I would, if it actually linked to any
broader story elements that resulted in Sherlock actually not being safe.
Otherwise the imagery doesn’t really fit in with anything else, or make any sense.
It’s still cool though.
Mycroft tells Sherlock to thank him for rescuing him.
Sherlock sits up, groaning (presumably with the pain of his wounds) and criticises
Mycroft for just sitting and watching as he was beaten up. Sherlock comes to the
conclusion that Mycroft was enjoying watching his brother be tortured.
That’s… dark. And seriously, if it’s true, says an awful lot
about Mycroft.
Anyway, back to Mrs Hudson and John.
She is passive-aggressively slamming crockery down in front
of him, and commenting on John’s lack of memory.
And…. Saying that she doesn’t like John’s moustache.
Thus it begins.
Apparently, John hasn’t spoken to or seen Mrs Hudson for
ages. He couldn’t bare to bring up the memories of Sherlock.
This demonstrates that… he probably should have been paying
more attention in his therapy sessions. Cutting of good friends when you’re
struggling seems decidedly unhealthy, especially when they are grieving the
same loss.
Cut back to Mycroft. This show really has upped the editing
anty, hasn’t it? Anyway, Sherlock is getting dressed, and promising to find
Mycroft’s terror cell.
I feel like this is an appropriate place to discuss torture.
Presumably this scene with Sherlock being shaved and putting on smart clothes
takes place shortly after he and Mycroft escape. They’re certainly not back in
London yet, anyway.
Still, Sherlock is still groaning when he moves with the pain
of his injuries.
Let’s go through what we know Sherlock was put through. He
was deprived sleep, first of all. It’s unclear how long for, but clearly it was
a significant period of time given that the torturer was teasing him, asking if
he remembered what sleep was.
Now, preventing someone from sleeping might not seem too
bad, as far as tortures go, but actually it’s really, really serious, and has
potentially deadly consequences.
Humans need sleep. Really need sleep, actually. One day
without sleep might seem insignificant, but you’ll already have some level of
cognitive impairment to deal with. Just a few solid days of no sleep can put a
lot of stress on the brain, causing hallucinations and other psychotic symptoms.
Much more than that, and there are measurable
effects on the body’s systems, and sudden death has occurred.
In short, even if Sherlock went without sleep for just 48-72
hours, he would still be in dire need of prolonged rest, and would probably be feeling
absolutely awful.
During that period, Sherlock was also subjugated to a
positional torture. If you look at the scene, you can see that he’s basically
collapsed forwards, standing but with his legs bent. Most of his weight is
probably going through his chained arms.
The position he is restrained in is carefully chosen to
prevent him from kneeling, or getting the weight off his feet and arms. He may
be able to fully stand, but given his sleep deprivation and physical beating,
he’s probably in no fit shape to stand at all. After a relatively short time of
being held in this position, he would likely have severe musculoskeletal damage
to his arms, and he would be at very high risk of developing long-term chronic
pain related to nerve damage. Also, and I couldn’t find anything about this
restraint posture in particular, but I suspect that hanging from your arms in
that way, with your body collapsed forwards could seriously limit your ability
to use your accessory muscles to breathe, which could be fatal.
Then we get to the beating. We see that a weapon is being
used here, a metal pipe. From the looks of it, this weapon is metal, but
hollow. Even so, a weapon like that would add considerably weight to every blow,
and also concentrate that energy into a smaller area. I wouldn’t be at all
surprised if a weapon like that had the capacity to break ribs, skull and
facial bones, cause internal organ damage or even potentially long bone
fractures. From what we can see, he certainly has severe bruises on his back
and torso. It’s possible that he could have potentially fatal internal bleeding
as a result of this.
Before I go on, I would like to make a serious point. All of
the techniques that are used on Sherlock are real. Real people do these things
to real other people. Victims of torture often suffer lifelong physical and
psychological consequences. This is a horrific, horrible thing, and it makes me
feel genuinely quite sick to imagine any person going through this.
It also upsets me, having read all of that, when Sherlock is
shown, presumably a relatively short period after this torture, to be… basically
fine. I would expect that someone would require weeks to months of physical and
psychological therapy to be “fine” after an experience like this.
But Sherlock just… walks away. Healed by a shave and a new
set of clothes.
I just… I don’t think that torture is something that should
be represented in this way. Not when there are real people who have to find a
way to cope with the consequences of similar experiences. I mean, I don’t mind
that Sherlock is captured and tortured by some criminals, but… somehow showing
such a quick recovery cheapens the moment for that character, and disrespects
people who have actually gone through the process of recovery after torture.
This is an interesting study looking at the potential impact
of representations of torture in media. I think it’s worth taking a minute to
think about the real-world implications of this.
But anyway. I will move on.
Sherlock wants to be back in London to stop the terrorists.
He asks about John Watson. Mycroft sounds very surprised that Sherlock cares.
Unusual, given his regular attempts to get to Sherlock through John.
Sherlock looks at a photo of John, and immediately mocks the
moustache. Of course.
We cut back to that moustache, and the man who carries it
around. He’s gone up to look at 221b with Hudson. She’s kept it exactly as it
was when Sherlock died, and not let it out to anyone else.
Well, anyway, John has come round with another purpose in
mind. He needs to tell Hudson that he’s planning to get married.
Insert Mrs Hudson making many references to Sherlock and
John being a couple here, including her massive surprise at John being
attracted to a woman…
I think this might actually be the point at which this show
stops queerbaiting. “John and Sherlock were definitely never together, stop
going on about it” the show shouts at us fans.
How stupid of us, to start to wonder if two characters with good
chemistry who are constantly put in situations that might make us think that they
were a couple, were ACTUALLY a couple.
Anyway, while John protests that he isn’t gay, Sherlock
tells Mycroft his plans to spring the fact that he’s alive on John. Sherlock
seems to think that John will be thrilled, delighted, overjoyed to see him alive!
This is another example of Sherlock being ridiculously,
inexplicably and unjustifiably clueless. Sherlock Holmes is meant to be good at
understanding people. It’s kind of his thing. He looks at someone,
deduces their life story, then identifies their motives. It’s ridiculous to say
that John is capable of deducing the motive of a criminal who is actually
trying to hide it but he cannot realise that springing out at someone who
thinks you’re dead, who you lied to just before you “died”, and expecting them
to be happy to see you is… is…
This is OK. I’m fine. We’re all fine.
Anyway, Sherlock puts on his coat, and goes to find John.
After posing dramatically on top of some tall buildings.
Seriously, how did he get up there?
Well, anyway, let’s move onto one of the most… well, one of
the MOST scenes in this entire TV series. The restaurant.
Sherlock walks in, and is greeted at the door. He promptly
tells that member of staff that his wife has gone into labour.
Odd that she would text her husband to tell him that she was
in labour… but…
Anyway, he promptly leaves. Sherlock spots John, and begins
to make his way over… but before he gets to him, he decides to play a little
game. He decides to dress up.
First, he spills a customer’s drink over him, giving him an
excuse to steal his bow tie.
Next, he steals a pair of glasses from another customer. As
a glasses wearer, this is RIDICULOUSLY mean, cruel and unnecessary. Without my
glasses, I am unable to read at a distance. I couldn’t drive, I would get
horrible headaches, I would probably be unable to work.
In short, Sherlock, you’re an asshole for doing this just to
prank John. That gentleman might have to wait weeks for a new pair of glasses
to be made.
But Sherlock isn’t stopping to think about ethical
implications of his spate of thefts. He’s too busy looking for a way to draw a
moustache onto himself. He settles on some eyeliner, handily left lying in
clear view. So he steals this to, and smudges some onto his top lip.
Finally, he is ready. He steps up behind John, and discusses
the wine list with him.
And ha ha, Sherlock keeps trying to get John to look at him,
but John hasn’t noticed who it is yet. He drops more hints, with no success. Finally,
he gives up and walks off, leaving John to…
To…
Look at the engagement ring he’s chosen.
Practical point here, John, but healthcare professionals are
only allowed to wear a single plain band ring. Getting something decked out in
diamonds might show off your deep wallet, but it doesn’t say much for your
ability to be a thoughtful partner as your fiancé won’t actually be allowed to
wear that at work.
Just saying.
Mary returns, and John tries to be nonchalant. Then, he
starts to pop the question. He has clearly prepared a speech, thanking Mary for
being such a positive influence on his life. He is just about to complete the
proposal when…
Sherlock steps over to offer champagne and drop more hints.
John tried to shoo him, given the AWFUL, AWFUL timing, but Sherlock ignores
him.
This time, John is frustrated enough to actually look up,
and…
And…
He stands up. He looks Sherlock in the face, while Sherlock
tells him that he isn’t dead. Under John’s gaze, Sherlock finally starts to
realise that maybe, just maybe, springing this bombshell on John might not be a
great idea… but he explains himself.
“It was very funny!” he laughs.
John glares at him. Mary realizes who Sherlock must be, and
tries to warn him. John is still glaring at him, and Sherlock…
Sherlock decides it’s time for another moustache joke. He
dips a serviette in some water and rubs the eyeliner off his lip.
“Does your rub off too?”
Finally, he starts to apologise, but John is… John is clearly
uncontrollably angry. He slams his fist into the table. Mary tries to talk to
him, to calm him down, and for a moment it seems that it worked. John starts to
talk. He tells Sherlock that he grieved for two years. He asks Sherlock how he
could let him do that.
Sherlock replies by “asking one question.”
And makes another moustache joke.
And John lunges for him.
We cut to a nice little café. Sherlock is beginning to
explain to John how he survived the fall.
John stops him before he can reveal anything. He reveals
that he (like me!) doesn’t care how Sherlock did it. He just wants to know why.
Sherlock tells him that it was Mycroft’s idea.
This is…. Stupid. I was going to say interesting, but
stupid. Stupid because at no point in the last episode did we see Sherlock and
Mycroft communicating, so there was no set-up to Mycroft being involved in this
at all. Stupid because Sherlock should have realised that passing the blame
onto someone else was a terrible idea that would only infuriate John. Stupid
because Mycroft outright said earlier that Sherlock should have contacted John
to let him know that he was OK. Stupid because the moment when Sherlock defeats
Moriarty is meant to be one of the heights of Sherlock’s career, but “it was
Mycroft all along!”?
Also, this means that Sherlock has to let John know that
other people were allowed to know that he was alive. Just a couple of people. Mycroft.
Molly. The homeless network. Well, 25 of them anyway.
This is a fantastic way to make John angry again, so… John attacks
Sherlock.
Take three. Takeaway shop.
Sherlock is still going on about the moustache. John says
that Mary likes it, Sherlock assures him that she doesn’t. She… admits that
Sherlock’s right. So they clearly have a great, honest relationship.
Um…. Foreshadowing? Or something?
Anyway, Sherlock admits that he didn’t tell John that he was
alive because he was worried that John might be indiscreet with the
information.
Yep. That’s how he puts it.
So Sherlock, after trying to put the blame on Mycroft, puts
it on John.
John… doesn’t react well to this. As you might imagine.
The following tirade is… hilarious. Because it includes John
loudly proclaiming that Sherlock is still alive. Thus ensues a shouting match
in which Sherlock tells John that it’s meant to be a secret that he’s alive,
and John (at the top of his voice, in a crowded shop) promises not to tell
anyone.
This moment is just… hilarious. Sorry. Wish I could
criticise. I mean, yes, I generally dislike this whole “revelation” sequence,
but this moment, the acting, the setting, it’s just… brilliant. Sorry. I mean,
you can almost see Martin Freeman laughing as he gives his lines.
Finally, after this moment of comedy gold, Sherlock gets to
the point. He tells John that he needs his help. He talks about how much he’s
missed working with John, “the two of us against the world”….
And John nuts him.
Next scene, and they’re all out in the street. Sherlock is
failing to administer appropriate first aid to himself. For the record, tilt
your head FORWARDS, not backwards, or you’ll end up swallowing or choking on
all that blood.
Anyway, Mary and Sherlock get their first scene together. Sherlock
tells Mary that he doesn’t understand human nature, Mary promises to talk John
around for Sherlock.
Sherlock looks at Mary, and deduces a storm of things about
her. Including the words “appendix” and “scar”. So apparently Sherlock’s
deductive abilities extend to, what, looking through clothing?
Without another word, John and Mary drive off. In the cab,
Mary reveals that she likes Sherlock, shocking John, who basically wants to
rant with someone about how inappropriate and awful and shocking this all is.
Read the room, Mary.
Anyway, next we get a compilation of Sherlock sneaking up on
his friends. He appears behind Molly in a mirror, he sneaks up on Lestrade when
he’s gone to smoke in a carpark (also making a “I still don’t know Lestrade’s
first name” joke), he walks in on Hudson as she’s doing the dishes…
I mean, this is a quick and easy way of establishing who
knows that Sherlock is alive… but I really think we could have done that
without a close-up on Mrs Hudson’s uvula?
Anyway. Cut to “How Sherlock did it” version 2.2. This
version features a paper cut out of Sherlock falling off the roof, while
Sherlock and Moriarty giggle together in the background, before realising the
truth about their feelings for each other, and moving in for the kiss.
Obviously, this isn’t what actually happened. We are
introduced to Anderson’s little society, full of people coming up with theories
to explain how Sherlock lived.
This is… this scene comes across like the writers actively
insulting the fanbase, who have spent two years coming up with ideas to explain
Sherlock’s survival. I don’t know if it was written with that in mind, but…
that’s how it comes across.
And seriously, given that this show did so much to invite
fans to theorise, from creating websites to actually creating puzzles “from
Moriarty”, it seems really, really hypocritical to suddenly start presenting
this image of Sherlock fans as obsessed weirdos who can’t come up with a solution
to a puzzle that doesn’t involve Jimlock or Derren Brown.
But anyway, as they’re discussing it, the news gets out.
Sherlock is back.
So much for keeping it a secret, then.
But anyway, rather then looking at the world’s response to
Sherlock announcing that he is, in fact, alive, let’s go back to our favourite
topic of this episode.
John’s moustache.
Which he is about to shave.
Mary complains jokingly that John didn’t shave it for her,
but as soon as Sherlock shows up… (I mean, Mary, you told him that you liked
it, so….)
Anyway, then we get the genesis of a line that would be
printed on t-shirts and scattered on merch for… well, for a while, anyway.
“I don’t shave for Sherlock Holmes”.
The irritating thing about this becoming a merch item is
that Mary literally says “you should put that on a t-shirt” in the episode. And
then, look, here is the link! Go and buy, then you can have the t-shirt that
Mary was talking about in the show!!!
It’s just… looking back, it isn’t that meme-able a line to
begin with.
But anyway.
Sherlock, meanwhile, is back in 221b. He’s explaining that
he keeps track of what’s going on in London by using a small number of key
figures. People that would find out about, and act on any terror threat. It’s
actually quite an interesting idea. Except… he never actually goes into who
those people are, or why they know things, but besides that it’s quite
interesting.
Anyway, apparently Sherlock is discussing this with Mycroft
over a game off chess. And mocking the sacrifice of the man who told Mycroft
that a terror attack was imminent. Sherlock insists that his information, based
on blog posts and newspaper adds is much more reliable.
Oh, and the game they’re playing?
Operation. Not chess. That’s… actually quite funny.
Then the two reminisce about their childhood. Apparently,
they didn’t realise that Sherlock wasn’t an idiot until they started meeting
other children, and realised that actually Mycroft is Super clever, Sherlock is
clever and everyone else is a… goldfish.
Not only is that kind of insulting, but it also perpetrates
the myth that goldfish are stupid.
Goldfish are exactly as intelligent as they need to be.
Goldfish, if you’re reading this, we all love you, and
support you in overthrowing this awful stereotype.
Also, this suggests that Sherlock and Mycroft spent their
early years completely separated from other children. Which, at the end of
series four, we discover was not the case.
But… anyway.
The two decide to play a different game to pass the time. They
play “deductions”, using a hat that a client left behind. Interesting that
Sherlock already has clients, since the fact that he isn’t dead has only been
public knowledge for a day or so.
Anyway, the pair of them show off for a while. Eventually,
Sherlock uses his client’s isolation to make the point that Mycroft should get
a girlfriend.
Mycroft, at that, decides to leave.
This is an… interesting development. Sherlock trying to humanise
his brother a little, trying to get him to play with the “goldfish”.
Shame it never goes anywhere.
Anyway, we cut to John and Mary going through their work
day. Mary, for some reason, has the job of showing patients into the doctor’s office.
Despite being a nurse.
But as we all know, all nurses do all day is follow the instructions
of doctors. Do all the menial tasks that aren’t important enough for a doctor to
sully their clever brains with.
That was.. that was sarcasm, by the way. Nurses are highly
skilled professionals, who often have more knowledge of specific conditions
that they deal with than doctors do. Never underestimate a nurse.
Actually, this is the second time this show has given a
female character an incredibly vague, non-specific job role that allows them to
be flexible enough to cater for every need that their male colleague has.
Interesting.
The other problem that I have with this scene is that John
is given a list of patients with supposedly “comically unpleasant” symptoms. It
makes a joke over how a doctor must be having a REALLY bad day if they have to see
someone with an undescended testicle, or examine hernial orifices, or do a
gynae exam, or examine someone with piles, or ask for a urine sample. When he
gets to the last patient, John assumes that the gentleman in front of him is
Sherlock in disguise, because he’ s behaving… rather oddly. After John assaults
him, it turns out that he was actually a genuine patient. Oops.
I mean, John could just have looked at his medical record,
seen that this was someone that had been coming to the practise for years,
possibly seen a warning about his strange behaviour written by one of his
colleagues….
But why sacrifice realism when you could have a really bad,
unfunny joke resulting in a doctor physically attacking one of his patients?
This whole scene upsets me a little, to be honest. The whole
“joke” is that John is having an unpleasant day, because he’s having to do lots
of intimate examinations. The thing is, that for most healthcare professionals
most of the time, even intimate examinations aren’t embarrassing,
anxiety-inducing or unpleasant to perform. Of course there are exceptions, but
most of the time we’re so used to the examination that we don’t even think
about it. We’re normally mostly concerned with completing the examination
properly, not missing anything, and (very importantly) trying to help the
patient to be as comfortable as possible. We don’t want people to be embarrassed
when they have an intimate examination. For us, they’re very normal parts of
our job, and I can’t help but feel that joking about them being unpleasant for
doctors to perform is potentially detrimental to the way the general public
views these examinations.
I mean, I’m sure that there was no intent here to make fun of
any medical conditions, to increase stigma surrounding them or to tell people
that they should feel embarrassed when they need one of these
examinations, but I still think that the potential is there.
Anyway. This is all interspersed with footage of Sherlock “working”
by the way. During this, he asks Molly to solve crimes with him. She kind of
wanted to just go out for dinner, but she’s up for it. She asks what to do, Sherlock
tells her not to try to be John, just to be herself. I might bring this up
again later, so remember it please. Their first case is a married couple, one
of whom is having an affair. Simples. Next is a simplification of “A case of
identity”, in which a stepfather poses as a younger man interested in marrying his
stepdaughter. This is one of those times where a reference to an original text
that won’t be expounded in full is slipped in to give a bit of a wink to
long-term fans. I appreciate this, and approve.
Next, Sherlock and Molly join Lestrade to look at… a
skeleton. A skeleton sat up in a chair, wearing a suit.
Ooh, I bet I can deduce a few things here! Firstly, this corpse
did not decompose into a skeleton while wearing that suit. I know this because
corpses tend to release fluids as they decompose, and that suit is remarkably unstained.
Secondly, the skeleton is… oddly clean. And oddly
bleached-looking. It is a real human, as opposed to a plastic or resin replica
though (the clue is that most real human skeletons have less-than perfect
teeth, fake skeletons normally have perfect, complete smiles).
Thirdly, this skeleton is sat up perfectly by itself. Skeletons…
don’t tend to do that. Not unless there are remnants of tissue to hold them
together, anyway. Given this skeleton’s remarkable lack of soft tissue, I must assume
that some kind of wire structure is holding it together.
Anyway, meanwhile, Sherlock is deducing that the skeleton
smells like mothballs, and is slightly charred. Oh, and having auditory hallucinations.
That’s nice, dear.
Mary comes to meet John at the end of the day. She’s heading
off to meet a friend, leaving John alone.
Back to Sherlock. Lestrade asks him about John. Sherlock
says, vaguely, that he’s “not in the picture”. Then they all stop to comment on
the trains passing nearby.
TRAINS
FORESHADOWING
PAY ATTENTION
Sherlock imagines a compass (somehow that works) to work out
which way the corpse is facing, and Molly steps in to examine the body. I am
getting increasingly confused about her qualifications given that she can
identify the age of the corpse from the skeleton alone, and the fact that the
skeleton is “only 6 months old”. I presume that they mean that the person must
have died less than six months ago, but…
Anyway, calculating that kind of thing from bones is hard.
Actually, it’s something that forensic anthropologists are normally asked to do
rather than forensic pathologists, because of the experience and skillset
required. Normally calculating these things is done by taking measurements of
the bones, examining the teeth, skull and long bones in minute detail, and
using specialist tests to calculate a rough time of death.
I mean, it’s not impossible that Molly just happens to be a
forensic anthropologist as well as a forensic pathologist, and has such a well
trained eye that she can identify some of these things from sight… but I do
think it’s impossible that she can make those judgements without noticing the HOLES
DRILLED INTO THE BONE THAT ALLOW IT TO BE ASSEMBLED FOR DISPLAY.
Anyway, Sherlock decides to look under the desk, and he finds….
“How I did it”, a book by Jack the Ripper.
Um…
So this is a fake. Sherlock goes on to explain in excruciating
detail how, exactly, this scene has been faked. Then he leaves. And as he goes…
“Why would someone go to all that trouble to fake it?” Molly
asjs.
“Why indeed, John?” Sherlock replies.
Remember earlier, when I told you to remember that part when
Sherlock told Molly to be herself, not to try to be John?
Well, apparently Sherlock doesn’t.
You know, this whole “Molly helps Sherlock” thing actually
had promise. It could have been an opportunity for Sherlock to behave in a
less-manipulative, less horrible way towards her. But, turns out no.
Firstly, he just calls her and assumes that she will be free
to drop everything to help him. Again.
Secondly, he lies to her. He tells her that she isn’t there
to be John. Then, mentally, we see him comparing her to John over and over
again, before finally slipping and actually forgetting that she is anyone other
than John.
So, instead of the two of them beginning their relationship
anew, they quickly slip back into old patterns, with Sherlock forgetting to
treat her as her own human being, forgetting to respect her life or her wishes,
and finally insulting her once more by forgetting to use her actual name.
So that’s, um…
Anyway, they go and visit the guy who visited Sherlock’s
flat earlier. He is a train enthusiast.
TRAINS
T
R
A
I
N
S
.
Are you getting the message yet?
Anyway, this guy noticed an irregularity in the number of
cars on a tube train, and a missing man. And since this happened, the driver of
that train has been missing. Presumably paid off.
Anyway, Sherlock employs his built in facial recognition
software to identify the man who vanished off the train. Then he uses his mind
palace to, um….
Do something.
Not sure what, really.
Anyway, clearly Sherlock has had a few software updates
since we last saw him.
Anyway, cut to John. He’s hanging around outside 221b,
thinking about whether to go in when he is abducted.
How have I not previously instituted a “John gets kidnapped”
counter?
OK, so series 1 episode 1, kidnapped by Mycroft. Series 1
episode 2, kidnapped by the Black Lotus. Series 1 episode 3, kidnapped by Moriarty.
Series 2 episode 1, kidnapped (sort of) so that he can have a chat with Irene
Adler. Series 2 episode 2….actually not kidnapped, but he is sort of tricked
into going into a locked room and then gassed, so he is at least forcibly
detained by Sherlock.
Remarkably, he doesn’t actually get kidnapped at any point in
series 2 episode 3. But he does get arrested.
So there’s that.
Wow, John Watson really is a magnet for kidnappers and
rogues of all varieties, isn’t he?
And finally, we get to this episode. Where John is kidnapped,
drugged and stuffed inside a bonfire.
Also, science point, I’m not really sure what drug they’re injecting
here… but I am definitely deeply concerned about the way they are injecting it.
Surprisingly, sticking a long, sharp object into someone’s neck isn’t generally
considered to be good medical practise.
The thing is, the neck is full of important things. The
carotid arteries, the jugular veins, the spinal column, the oesophagus, the
trachea… and is you just randomly pick a spot, you could end up injecting into any
of those structures.
And yes, it matters. Quite a lot.
Anyway, John collapses to the pavement. As I said, not sure
what drug they’re using, but it’s clearly fast acting. Maybe fentanyl, but if
they are I would be seriously worried about John’s ability to breathe for
himself if he goes down that quickly… From the view we get of the syringe it
isn’t propofol, looks like quite a small volume…
I mean, it’s a drug and it knocks him out but doesn’t kill
him. That’s probably all that it’s important to know.
And have I just watched those 20 seconds about four times in
a row to try to get a good look at the syringe?
….
Maybe.
But also, the acting in that moment is… really good. I love
the way that John tries to fight his attackers off, trying to get a hand on the
syringe, trying to get control over it… it’s a realistic instinct, I think.
Anyway, back to Molly and Sherlock. We finally realise what
Sherlock was doing in his mind palace.
He has concluded that the train took too long to get from
one station to the next, so he asks Molly to get him maps. ALL THE MAPS.
Then Sherlock invites Molly out for chips.
There is another legitimately funny moment here, Sherlock
says that the owner of the chippie always gives him extra portions. Molly asks
if it’s because Sherlock got him off a murder charge.
Sherlock quips back: “No, I helped him put up some shelves”.
There are moments of joy in this series, there really are.
Anyway, Molly seems a little… well, she asks Sherlock what the
day with them working together was for. Sherlock says that he was thanking her.
Yeah. Nice thank you present.
“Thanks for helping me fake my death. As a reward, you get
to spend a whole 12 hours. With me!!! Lucky you!!!”
But Sherlock insists that he is thanking Molly properly. He
tells Molly that Moriarty was wrong to miss her off his list of Sherlock’s
friends. He thanks her. And he reveals that he knows that this was a one-off.
Because Molly, as it turns out, is engaged.
Molly tells Sherlock about her fiancé. Turns out everyone
has one now.
Sherlock tells Molly that he hopes that she will be happy. He
kisses her on the cheek. Then he leaves her. Molly wonders to herself whether
sociopaths are her “type”.
Sherlock.
Sherlock Sherlock Sherlock.
Is this… is he maybe… starting to respect her life choices?
Is this his announcement that he will no longer be emotionally manipulating
her, that he will respect her more in future?
Um… I suppose we’ll see.
Anyway, we cut back to where John is. He wakes up on a bed
on leaves and twigs. He can see the sky, but not much else.
There is also a sizeable wound on the
side of his head. That’s… interesting. Given that he didn’t hit his head in the
fall.
Maybe he partially woke up at some
point, and they decided to whack him over the head rather than dose him up again?
Anyway. It just irritates me.
Mary is wandering around when she
gets a text. She recognises that it’s a skip code, that it’s a message saying
where John is.
She goes immediately to 221b Baker
street, of course. Because she couldn’t go on her own… or something? Anyway, important
character moment here, because she introduces herself as John’s fiancé!
So… I suppose that happened.
Offscreen.
Anyway, she wastes valuable time
finding Sherlock. And Sherlock decides that it would be faster to get to “St
James the Less” by bike than by car. So he borrows a motorbike.
Mary gets another text, this time
giving an 8 minute time limit. Sherlock uses his brain like a GPS to navigate a
shorter route that will allow them to arrive on time.
So… can we stop and think about
this from CAM’s perspective? I’m not writing out his full name, partially to
reduce spoilers, partially…because it’s really long. So he kidnaps John, hides
him under a bonfire, drugs him enough to stop him from shouting, then sends
Mary a text written in skip code.
His intention here is to test Mary
and Sherlock’s “pressure points”. So, if he wants to know about Sherlock, why
send the message to Mary? They’ve only known each other a few days, and she’s a
capable agent on her own. It seems unlikely to me that she would go to Sherlock
at all!
And if she hadn’t, then the
experiment would be wasted. CAM already knows Mary’s pressure points. So
basically he relies on her making that decision, to waste time looking for
Sherlock.
Here’s another thing. Why send the
message in code at all? He isn’t trying to test Mary or Sherlock’s abilities
here, and if he was he would use something MUCH more complicated than a skip
code.
Finally, why would he go to the
bother of kidnapping a man in the middle of a busy street, in broad daylight,
and stuffing him into a public bonfire to test whether Sherlock liked John
enough to run after him? I mean, it’s definitely a high risk strategy. He could
have just texted Sherlock, made a threat against John and seen if he would run,
he didn’t have to get near John at all.
Anyway, John is in the bonfire. He’s
woken up enough to start groaning and shouting for help, but only a single
child in the crowd hears him over the noise.
The fire started decides to… throw
some petrol on the problem. Despite now being much closer than his daughter, he
can’t hear the man screaming just feet away from him.
And he lights the fire, moments
before John and Mary arrive. They realise what’s going on, the child screams.
Sherlock pushes the crowd out of the way, Mary and Sherlock push their way
through the fire, and pull John free. Remarkably, they’re all fine. I mean,
John is still quite drugged, unable to move for himself of anything, but, no
Mary you trained nurse, you just stand there and watch as Sherlock shouts in
his face.
I mean, I should let her off for
not starting first aid immediately, given that she has a close personal
attachment to the casualty and all that. But she is also a trained secret
agent/assassin, used to working under pressure. So really…
Anyway. Let’s just assume that
they’re all fine. Cut to the next morning.
Remarkably, it doesn’t sound like anyone
called the police or an ambulance at any point during all of this. Anyway, it
doesn’t seem like there was any official investigation at all.
Shame, given that it would
probably be very easy to get video footage of the kidnappers as they drove
through London.
But no, let’s cut to Sherlock’s
parents. They’ve come over for a visit. Sherlock is irritated by them, despite
them dropping key information about Parliament being closed because of a big
event. Or something.
Sherlock LITERALLY pushes them out
of the door to the flat. Nice way to treat them. But he wants to talk to John,
who is amazed that… that Sherlock had parents. And that they’re nice.
And irritated, because he realises
that they knew that Sherlock was alive. Everyone did apart from him, actually.
But they bond over the moustache.
Again.
Or rather, Sherlock insults the
moustache, but John doesn’t mind too much because it’s gone now.
How does John get so much free
time off as a GP? I mean, it’s not even regular “I work 4 days a week” time
off, it’s “Oh, Sherlock called, sorry, no patients for me today.”
Anyway, who cares about John’s
life outside Sherlock. John is more interested in who kidnapped him, and why he
was targeted. Sherlock just doesn’t know.
Not yet. And John seems fine when
Sherlock immediately switches his attention to the “underground terrorist
network”.
Oh, and apparently the guy who
vanished… Lord Moran. One of Sherlock’s “rats”.
Anyway, Sherlock has finally
realised…
IT’S TO DO WITH THE TRAINS.
OH…. REALLY.
COULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED.
The train that Moran vanished on? Not
just Moran, but a whole tube car vanishes. And suddenly they realise…
It’s Bonfire night.
An all-night sitting going on in
parliament to debate an anti-terrorism bill.
And a missing train compartment
near to Westminster.
What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
Oh, and turns out there’s an old,
abandoned tube station that was never opened that sits directly under parliament.
And there be dragons.
Or bombs.
We cut to Lord Moran. He’s hanging
out in a hotel room with a big mysterious box.
John and Sherlock head down into
the tube station. John tries to call the police, but Sherlock insists that it’s
“more efficient” not to.
“And illegal?” John points out, as
they break through a panel into the tunnels. John checks his phone, sees that
he has no service.
How has John not been struck off
by the GMC at this point? I mean, he has an ASBO, he’s been involved in numerous
crimes, he’s snuck into secret military bases…
Anyway, John and Sherlock find the
abandoned station, and…
No tube compartment.
Sherlock realises that it must be
somewhere on the track. In his mind palace, he sees the consequence of the
explosion.
The entire houses of parliament collapsing.
Big ben ringing out one last time, as the clock tower topples…
Wow. Dramatic.
John and Sherlock follow the rails
to the spot where Sherlock thinks the carriage will be…
And…
It’s there.
And all around it, other
demolition charges have been planted.
How this happened…. No-one knows.
How the carriage was actually
turned into a bomb… no-one knows. The practicalities of arming it from a distance
(especially as mobile networks have been shown not to reach down to the
tunnels)…. No-one knows.
It just happens, OK?
John and Sherlock start to search the
carriage for a bomb. Then they realise…
The whole carriage has been
stuffed dull of explosives.
HOW????
But sure.
They find explosives under the
seats, and a control panel set into the floor.
Meanwhile, Lord Moran has the
other half of the control panel in his hotel room. He opens it up gleefully.
Well… this is bound to turn out
well.
Seriously though, there’s a
remarkably little amount of tension, given that this is the first episode of a
series called “Sherlock” and Sherlock is sat on top of the bomb that we’re
meant to believe might explode.
Anyway, John and Sherlock argue
over which of them is more qualified to disable a bomb. John still insists that
they should have called bomb disposal.
And then the bomb activates.
Sherlock tells John to run. John
tells Sherlock that there’s no point running he couldn’t get far enough away,
and he tells Sherlock to search his mind palace to see if he made a note of how
to defuse a bomb.
Normally when Sherlock goes into
his mind palace, it seems to take ages. But sure.
Anyway, the acting in this moment
is fantastic, so I’ll let it slide.
Sherlock decides to give it a go,
while John shouts “think!” at him every few seconds to “help”. Sherlock can’t
do it. Unclear if he’s just too stressed to think, or if he never knew how to
do it in the first place.’
John looks away, thinking about
his imminent death, while Sherlock frantically examines the control panel.
Sherlock tells John that he can’t
do it, and apologises. Apologises for everything.
John is suspicious. He accuses Sherlock
of trying to trick him into being nice.
They have an honest, open
conversation about their friendship. About the way John felt when Sherlock
left. Sherlock admits that if he hadn’t come back, John wouldn’t be about to
die, he would get to live a life with Mary. Some tears are shed. John admits
that he finds it difficult to have this kind of conversation, but finally
manages to tell Sherlock that he forgives him.
And of course, how should we
cheapen this moment?
By showing a flash of light,
suggesting that the bomb has gone off, and then cutting away to Sherlock
explaining his “miraculous” survival to Anderson.
He makes several suggestions.
First, he implies that he knew that Moriarty had been captured, and had told
Mycroft to feed him information. “To make him feel that he had the upper hand”.
And then they let him go.
This still makes very little sense
to me. They had Moriarty captured. They had pried information out of him,
information that would enable Sherlock to bring down Jim’s network.
And apparently, it was part of the
plan to let Moriarty ruin Sherlock’s reputation.
This seems… I mean, in order for
that to make any sense, Sherlock had to have known that Jim wouldn’t, at any
point, step things up and just order Sherlock’s death. Which is a massive
assumption.
It also meant that Sherlock
allowed the police to be fed misinformation. He also chose not to defend
himself.
Anyway. Sherlock skips over the “unimportant
details” of why Sherlock did it, and concentrates on the “HOW”.
As John said, “I don’t care”.
OK, so Sherlock had 13 alternative
plans.
And yet, apparently, he “didn’t
anticipate how far Moriarty was prepared to go”.
So Sherlock claims that he didn’t foresee
Moriarty killing himself.
I’ve already discussed this. And I
think it’s fair to say that this is a lie. He did foresee it, because otherwise
he wouldn’t have come up with plans that relied on Moriarty not being alive on
that rooftop.
Seriously, what did he plan to do?
“Hey, Jim, of course I’ll jump,
but would you mind turning your back and counting to a hundred for me? Thanks!!”
Anyway, he texted Mycroft, and “everyone
got to work”.
You know earlier, when he claimed
that 25 of his homeless network knew Sherlock was alive?
Well, um… I’m interested in what
the other 12 plans were. Because it looks like you needed almost all of those
25 to carry out this one plan. Did the others require no additional people?
But, no.
The people on the ground unroll the
giant inflatable cushion. The stage is set. The cushion is blown up (incredibly
quickly, have you every seen how long that kind of thing actually takes???)
Anyway, the phone call. Sherlock
tells John that it was all a trick.
No explanation as to why, of
course.
We see the giant cushion being
lifted into place. We see Sherlock fall into the giant bouncy cushion. He
rolled off, the air bag was moved. Meanwhile, a “distractor” corpse was
dropped.
This has always interested me,
actually. Adding another corpse here adds a lot of complication. Molly clearly
has several people with her who know what’s going on, the “Sherlock lookalike”
corpse had to be sourced.
Ans the thing is, the cushion has
been moved before Molly drops the body. So Sherlock is down there already, off
the cushion.
Why doesn’t Sherlock just… lie
down?
He doesn’t need the blood spatter
or anything, not for the quick glance that John gets.
But anyway. While John is knocked
over, Sherlock switches place with the unnecessary corpse, strikes a dramatic
pose, someone sprinkles blood over him. He squeezes a squash ball under his
armpit to stop the pulse in that arm.
Good thing that John didn’t look for
any other pulses, hey?
Also, to squeeze the squash ball,
you would have to be contracting your muscles really quite hard. Try it
yourself, squeeze your arm into your side as if you were trying to squeeze
something in your armpit. It forces you to tuck your arm in, which Sherlock clearly
isn’t doing, and would be obvious to anyone who tried to move your arm even a
little.
But anyway.
The scenario finishes.
Sherlock explains to Anderson that
the Sherlock look-alike corpse must exist.
Oh, an apparently the snipers were
stopped by Mycroft anyway. I mean, that sort of explains why none of them took
their shots, despite the appearance of a massive air cushion.
Still, if Mycroft could influence
snipers that easily, interesting that he never interfered before. Like, you
know, when Moriarty killed twenty people by using a sniper to set off a bomb.
Also interesting that the fall was
needed at all, with that being the case.
Anyway, Anderson has criticisms.
This feels like another jab at the audience.
“You think you could do it better,
do you? Well, look. You’re just like Anderson! He was disappointed too!”
Anyway, Sherlock admits that he
actually came to see Phillip…
Wait, Phillip? Sherlock remembers
Anderson’s first name, but not Lestrade’s?????
Sherlock’s inhumanity is
conveniently inconsistent, isn’t it?
Anyway, he came to see Anderson because
he knows Anderson faked the Jack the Ripper body.
And he points out that Anderson
wasted Sherlock’s time by doing so.
Anderson… should have realised
that. I mean, as a former forensics guy.
Anyway, Anderson breaks off and
starts to find little criticisms on Sherlock’s story.
He misses all the big ones,
obviously, and concentrates on “what if the bike didn’t hit John?” and the
like. Sherlock leaves, and Anderson tears down his wall of “Sherlock” notes.
Anyway, back to the tube carriage.
The bomb hasn’t gone off.
Remember when John accused
Sherlock of tricking him, trying to make him say something nice?
Well… he was 100% right. Sherlock
has tricked him. He found the bomb’s off switch.
Oh, and he called the police, too.
So, just after John’s incredibly difficult, serious and loving statements…
Sherlock laughs at him.
That’s… nice.
Anyway, John threatens to kill
Sherlock.
“Killing me…that’s so two years
ago” Sherlock replies.
Anyway, cut to Lord Moran. He
leaves his hotel room, and suddenly finds loads of people are pointing guns at
his head.
So all’s well that ends well.
I mean, who cares what his motivation
was anyway?
It’s much more important that we
hear Mycroft whinging about having to take his parents to see Les Mis.
Apparently this is basically
torture.
John, Mary, Sherlock, Lestrade and
Mrs Hudson are hanging out together, all friends again. Apparently John and
Mary aren’t “officially” engaged yet. So we… didn’t miss a proposal?
Oh, but they’re never going to
show it to us anyway.
Cool.
Molly pops over with her fiancé,
Tom. Sherlock looks at him, probably deduces things, but says nothing. Everyone
holds their breath, waiting for him to be obnoxious.
And… he actually manages not to
be!
Wow!
Anyway, John pulls Sherlock aside,
and asks why he was put into the bonfire.
Sherlock admits that he doesn’t
know.
We, the audience, do. It’s because
a new supervillain needs to be set up, am I right?
Anyway, Sherlock is preparing to
go out and face the press, and John finally asks him.
“How did you do it?”
Despite clearly establishing earlier
that he is far more interested in the “Why”.
But anyway.
John talks about that touching scene
when he went to Sherlock’s grave. Sherlock admits that he was there. He heard
it all.
It’s… actually kind of sweet.
And then Sherlock pulls on his
deer stalker, and steps out to face the press, his faithful blogger at his side.
And the episode finishes.
So, what do I think?
This is always one of the hardest stories
to adapt. The Empty House, the Empty hearse. It only works when John and
Sherlock have a strong relationship. When Sherlock has been shown to be
vulnerable, as well as genius. When the two have learned to trust each other
implicitly.
Dr Watson, when he sees Holmes is
alive, might jump and be startled. He might ask questions. But fundamentally,
he is glad, not angry. Because Dr Watson trusts Holmes implicitly, and knows
that, if Holmes kept him in the dark, there was a good reason. Its one of the
character moments between the two that I love the most, because they are both so
raw, so troubled, and when they reunite, they each heal a little.
The other key thing is that Holmes
never lied to Watson. He truly believed what he wrote in the note, and even if
Watson was angry with him in a way, his love was always stronger than that.
That being said, I think an angry
John is… reasonable as an interpretation.
Especially given this background.
Interestingly, I think this episode actually shows the most character growth,
and the strongest friendship between John and Sherlock of any that I’ve watched
so far in this series. I’m still disappointed by the direction both characters
were taken in generally, but here… it almost works.
So, overall thoughts?
I think, given the characters
being as developed as they were before this episode, “The Empty Hearse” does a
good job. It advances the story, it advances the characters, it moves
everything along.
The explanation, though…
But I talked about that a lot last
episode. I honestly think that we are never told a version of the truth that
makes logical sense, with the facts as we were told them. I also think it’s
disingenuous to dedicate so much of this episode to mocking the people who came
up with theories about Sherlock’s survival, especially when they represented so
much of the lifeblood of this show’s audience.
I still dislike it, in parts. I
dislike the fact that Sherlock’s lie to John is never explained. If,
apparently, Sherlock knew Moriarty’s plan all along, he certainly didn’t act
like it. And, as Judge Bookman often says, “if you don’t set up a twist, it’s
not a good twist”.
I dislike the idea that Sherlock
must logically have considered Moriarty dying on the rooftop as a possibility.
I dislike Sherlock being
completely clueless about the effect that his return might have on John. I
dislike the weird “this will be cleared up later, promise!” character of the bonfire
scene.
Despite that… I enjoyed watching this episode. Even if they skipped John and Mary’s engagement.
OK, so I was going to finish this post here, but then I realised that I hadn't addressed the most important thing. The Empty Hearse is based on The Empty House, possibly my second favourite Holmes story. The original text, in my opinion, deals with this moment much, much better than Sherlock does.
The message that I want to end on, then, is, whether you liked this episode or not...
Just go and read "The Empty House" instead. Or listen to the BBC radio adaptation (my personal favourite adaptation of this story). Either will probably take less than half the time watching this episode of Sherlock would, and they'll bring at least twice the pleasure.
And a quarter of the plot holes.
See you next time.
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